My Life Story, Part I

Like others, I've been this way for as long as I remember, certainly since well before adolescence.  I  was born in Wichita, Kansas, and until I was in 2nd grade or so, we lived in town, on a street called Terrace Drive.  I remember playing hide and seek with the neighborhood kids, who were mostly girls, but also Monopoly and other indoor games.  I didn't play as well with the boys, at least I don't think ...

And this lack of remembering about my childhood didn't worry me too much, until I saw a therapist about ten years ago, a great guy who--like the good Freudian he is--didn't help a lot.  But what he did do is prick up his ears when I said I had little memory of my childhood.  And I wonder how much of what I "remember" about my childhood -- playing with dolls, not playing with dolls -- is based on all my readings of other childhood memories of TG folk?

With that caveat, we carry on: I vaguely remember stereotypical TG stuff like playing with dolls, and maybe even role-playing with the girls, but I have no recollection of how often this happened.  I didn't particularly like to play with trucks and stuff.   On the other hand, I remember wanting a cap gun and loving cowboys, so go figure.

I also remember not liking rough and tumble activities, and wasn't very good at sports.  Scratch that: make it very bad at sports:  I was one of the children that was always picked last.When I got a bit older, say 6th grade, I have the sense that I played with my younger (by 3 years) brother with trucks and stuff because I was expected to; I also have a vague remembrance of doing it to please my father, although that might be a retrojected (is that the opposite of projected?) notion.


Although I do not remember much of my childhood, I do remember that I dressed as a girl on several occasions, at least one of them with the collusion of my mother.  The earliest I remember is playing house with my brothers and sisters and friends, and wanting to play the part of a girl (the mother?); my mom tied a towel around my waist!  Another time, I went out as a little girl for Halloween, something I haven't done since. Although I don't remember who exactly went along, I remember the door being opened and one of our neighbors (who certainly knew who I was) saying "Oh, what a beautiful little girl!"  On a third occasion -- I think I was 9 or 10 -- my father was on one of his fishing trips with his buddies.  When he came home, he caught me dressed.  He wasn't happy, to say the least.

Looking back, those times had to be with the collusion of my mother, at least; there was no way I could have done it otherwise.  On that third occasion, I seem to have been running around the house, in the open, dressed like a girl.  Again, I don't see how I could have done it without my mother's knowledge.

One other incident comes to mind: I was very young, and my parents took me (were others of my siblings there?) to an outdoor circus passing through town.  There was a "girl" elephant rider, wearing a tutu and tights, and at one point her wig came off revealing her to be a boy.  I remember the announcer making a joke, something like "Oops ... she seems to have lost her hair, folks!"  But I also remember that my mother turning to my dad and said "I'll bet I could make a little outfit like that for Johnny" meaning, of course, me.

Was my mother colluding with my early crossdressing to get back at my father?  I know he wasn't around a lot in those days, preferring to go out drinking beer with his rodeo buddies, or fishing with his friends from work.  It was returning from such an occasion that he caught me on that third time.  Did she position me where he could find me?  I have no idea.


Stay tuned for the exciting sequel!  It is must-see TV.  Get it?  TV?